Drugged out, cameo role and Chex mate

Dear Rachel,
With all the ads on TV like Botox, Fasenr, Vyvgart, Arexvy, Gasrdasil and Caplyta on solving our medical health, why do they run ads to tell us to tell our docs what we need? The doctors know what to give us. That’s why we pay them. Guess that’s why med prices are so damn high. TV ads to tell us what to tell the doctors. Give me a break. Your thoughts on why they brainwash us on TV to solve medical issues?
–Doc Strap
Dear Pill Popper,
Probably the same reason they bombard us with yogurt ads even though they know damn well we’re going out to eat. We’ll look smarter, healthier and probably more attractive if we ask our partners and roommates to pick up yogurt at the store. Same idea, just with doctors. Also a bit like learning a couple car parts before going into the mechanic so you can drop lingo like “distributor” and “gasoline.” Or, just make up words like I’m pretty sure you did with your list o’ meds.
––Rec’d by four out of five doctors, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
I’m reading a novel, and all of a sudden there’s a character who is undoubtedly me. My name, my place of residency, some other vaguely general identifying characteristics, none of which is incriminating. But put them all together, and it’s an undeniable constellation of ME. Coincidence? I think not. I met the author at a signing in the past and chatted for a few minutes. Enough to incriminate! Do you think I’m due royalties? Or at least a signed copy?
- Bit Part
Dear Almost Famous,
No, you don’t have a case! Haven’t you seen that disclaimer on TV shows that say “any resemblance to any persons living or dead is entirely coincidental?” I once saw that on a show that then had JFK as a character. Coincidental! If the Kennedys couldn’t get that taken off the air, you aren’t going to get diddly for a book. But maybe you should take that writer out for coffee next time they’re in town. Writers like coffee.
–Hint hint, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Other people load up on Christmas cookies. I load up on Chex Mix. November to January, it’s all I eat. Not sure I add weight, but I definitely take on water from all the salt. Well, I just found a bunch of ingredients in the back of the pantry, enough for two or three more batches. I would ask you about alternate uses, except it’s a given I don’t have enough willpower to wait for your answer. So I’ll ask instead: can I eat Chex Mix in public in March? Or should I hide my shame in private?
–Out of Season
Dear Mixed Up,
Dude, you can buy Chex Mix in a bag at the store all year long. How do I know? Because the stuff in the store comes with bagel chips, and no one – and I mean no one at – Christmas puts bagel chips in their homemade stuff. Where do you even get bagel chips? That’s what I want commercials for: Ask your doctor about adding bagel chips to your diet.
– Muddled up, Rachel
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