Eavesdropping, extensions and excessive itching

Dear Rachel,

My friends just started a podcast, along with everybody else on the planet. I want to support them by listening, but it’s just eavesdropping. They don’t say anything at all. They just record a regular conversation for 30 minutes or so, pluck one juicy phrase as the title and post it. It’s so, so boring. They want me (a marketing pro) to help them get sponsors. I actually love podcasts for driving, but this one is just so bad. No one will give them money. How do I tell them?

– Tuned Out

Dear Unsubscriber,

Let he who is without bad ideas podcast the first stone. That’s exactly the sort of thing I would say if I had a podcast and let myself record the first thing that comes out of my mouth. See why I don’t? Which is to say, yeah, I agree with you. I’d rather spy on a conversation in public. But people must like this junk! They keep listening! So maybe just give your friends a referral to a willing sponsor-finder. And if it works, hey, let’s talk about sponsoring Ask Rachel.

– Dropping eaves, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I messed up real big on my taxes. I panicked at first, but turns out you can just file an amendment. Best part? You have three years to do that. So wait. If taxes are so laid back that you can fix your whoopsies for three years, why the big push for April 15? 

– Red-Lined and Deadlined

Dear Filed Down,

It’s all about gubmint control, innit? We could all be like New Zealand, where tax filings are reportedly super simple and low stress. But NO. We have to hire professionals and still spend days on top of days hustling for receipts and scrambling to file on some arbitrary day. It’s all made up anyway, so why not a scary Day of Doom mitigated only by the proper forms?

– Your annual extension, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

I cannot get my dog to stop scratching himself. Chewing on his legs, rubbing his eyes, itching whatever you call the armpit on a dog. Allergy meds aren’t working. Can’t figure it out. Any recommendations for getting him to leave himself alone?

– Doggone It

Dear Dog Scratch Fever,

You know what they say: if you can’t change it, monetize it. There are people out there – probably more than one – who would listen to a podcast of your dog licking and scratching himself. One upfront investment in a quality ASMR microphone, and you’ll have advertisers lined up for miles. Makes me wonder why we put so much effort into a newspaper when we could just give our dogs fleas and go to town.

– Scratch that, Rachel