Eggs in one basket, parting gifts and dirty secrets

Dear Rachel,

My grandkids said, “Pa Pa, are chicken eggs more expensive than bunny eggs at Easter?” We want to save money. We need it for college. Help? They see bunny eggs on TV.

– Old Pa Pa

Dear Pappy,

Answers are free, old man. You can give them any old answer you want and still drop your nickel into their college savings account. You know what’s more expensive than either chicken or bunny eggs? Freaking Cadbury mini eggs. I bought a bag the other day. Didn’t realize until I got to the register that sucker was $15. Anyway, maybe monitor more closely what your grandkids are watching?

– Cluck cluck, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I’m doing the comprehensive post-breakup thing, throwing out the mustard he liked and all that. Except this person liked to give me clothes. I have everything from T-shirts to imported European skirts, the kind where none others exist like it because some creative Luxembourgian woman had one yard of cloth left and made this out of it. I don’t want him anymore, but I kinda want the clothes he gave me. Do I need to toss them for my own wellbeing? Or can I keep them guilt-free?

– Waste Not, Want Not

Dear Spring Cleaning,

Would you pick these things up at a thrift store and think they were pretty great? Then here’s what we’re going to do: pretend you got them for yourself. Go give the Humane Society a couple twenties, as if they’re the ones who provided you with sassy European style. That ought to ease whatever guilt you have lingering in the background. And if you have more mustard left … lemme know.

– Too good for him anyway, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

Recently, I had a houseguest, and I planned to clean the morning before she arrived that afternoon. Well, I awoke to a text saying “ETA 9:30, see you soon!” Needless to say, it was not that long before 9:30. She swears she didn’t judge my house for being dirty, but even if she did, isn’t that on her for showing up earlier than planned? I know road trips are hard to estimate, but shouldn’t she have gone and kept herself busy until afternoon?

– Unclean Sweep

Dear Franticly Untidy,

I think we need to all get over this concept of cleaning our homes for each other. We all know we all have dust bunnies, and that one spot of tomato soup that we haven’t cleaned up yet. And no one should ever have to clean fan blades; shouldn’t running the fan do that for us? I just hope you enjoyed your time together. And if you want to make future guests feel special, leave some Cadbury mini eggs on their pillow. That stuff’s not cheap.

– Stuffed under a rug, Rachel