It’s November, and that means it’s time for my annual holiday tradition! Join me in searching for an unauthorized posting of the Star Wars Holiday Special, an hour and a half of the worst footage ever caught on film, so bad it’s a wonder the rest of the movies weren’t axed as well. What’s your holiday tradition, Rachel. Care to join me for mine?
– ’78 Special
Dear Dancing Wookiee,
I have seen guys try to pick up women despite talking too much about Star Wars. I have even seen guys try to pick up women with Star Wars. But I have never been asked if I’d like to go scrape off my own face with that cheese-grater of a holiday special. I really truly had a partner who played it for me once, and we made it five minutes, and now we’re exes.
– Hard pass, Rachel
What did you dream of when you were a kid? This is a new practice of mine. When I am worried or stressed (which I am a lot), I ask big questions. So, however you answer (or don’t), just asking you helps me.
– Curious Minds
Dear Dream Weaver,
Oh, I dig this practice. And I had so very many dreams. I dreamed of walking across the desert. I dreamed of lashing together banana trees to build a raft. I dreamed of learning what lashing meant, and how to do it. I dreamed of being President, until I realized you probably have to be careful how you name your pets. I dreamed of writing for the newspaper. That one, at least, came true.
– Sweet dreams, Rachel
I’m a weirdo husband, because all I want to do is support my wife. She’s gonna be a bestseller, I know it. But you can’t do that when you’re working and splitting chores and kids. I keep saying I’ll do all the groceries and the cleaning so she can focus. But my friends think I’m strange, and even my wife is like, honey don’t quit your day job. But this isn’t so weird, right?
– House Husband
Dear Home Spouse,
Splitting chores is one thing, but you have got to stop splitting the kids. There’s even a parable about it. Just don’t. But the rest of this sounds pretty admirable. I have to think my own odds of making the New York Times Bestseller List go up exponentially with a man who wants to cook me dinner. It’s just too bad you’re married, because this is a far sexier proposition than watching Star Wars.
– Sweeter dreams, Rachel