Ex-holiday traditions, dream therapy and role reversal

Dear Dancing Wookiee,

I have seen guys try to pick up women despite talking too much about Star Wars. I have even seen guys try to pick up women with Star Wars. But I have never been asked if I’d like to go scrape off my own face with that cheese-grater of a holiday special. I really truly had a partner who played it for me once, and we made it five minutes, and now we’re exes.

– Hard pass, Rachel

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Dear Rachel,

Dear Dream Weaver,

Oh, I dig this practice. And I had so very many dreams. I dreamed of walking across the desert. I dreamed of lashing together banana trees to build a raft. I dreamed of learning what lashing meant, and how to do it. I dreamed of being President, until I realized you probably have to be careful how you name your pets. I dreamed of writing for the newspaper. That one, at least, came true.

– Sweet dreams, Rachel

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Dear Rachel,

Dear Home Spouse,

Splitting chores is one thing, but you have got to stop splitting the kids. There’s even a parable about it. Just don’t. But the rest of this sounds pretty admirable. I have to think my own odds of making the New York Times Bestseller List go up exponentially with a man who wants to cook me dinner. It’s just too bad you’re married, because this is a far sexier proposition than watching Star Wars. 

– Sweeter dreams, Rachel