Faked out, droning on and sticks city

Dear Cool Rancher,

I learned never to look at the labels from the foods I enjoyed as a kid. I’m almost certainly a higher percentage of fake flavoring than I am of microplastics. But! We need more cool foods in our convenience stores. They could serve as an antidote to all the spicy hot foods running rampant. Imagine the Cool Chill Cheetos. Maybe even Cool Whip could get into the salsa game. As for fake flavors? You can have my blue raspberry when you pry it from my cool blue hands.

– Shelf stable, Rachel

 

Dear Dr. One,

I gotta say, drone shows sure can bring the Gandalf vibes. I’m still holding out for the fireworks mounted on drones, though. I want a drone-show dragon that breathes actual fire. But mostly, I am dreadfully awaiting the mid-drone-show advertisements, where the drones stop being a dragon to regroup and tell me to “Buy GE” or call 1-800-IM-HURT. You know this is coming.

– Buzzing low, Rachel

 

Dear City Sticker,

Maybe you just hit on what makes Durango special for so many people. It’s got some of the big city charm with a lot less public urine. It’s also got all the benefits of roughin’ it, so long as paved roads and access to several grocery stores is “roughin’ it.” Why choose? Let’s embrace being parts of both and all of neither. How about” “Durango: Don’t Ask What We’re Made of, Just Enjoy It.” Maybe, we are the cool ranch of midsize mountain towns.

– Still crunchy, Rachel