Forbidden dance, coffee talk and guilt gifting
Dear Rachel,
I’m getting married this spring, and my bride-to-be has just broached the idea of a wedding dance. I kind of assumed we’d do a slow dance with some pretty twirls to a romantic song. But she’s been watching TikTok and wants to do some “Dancing with the Stars” shtick. Lifts and acrobatics and all that. Sounds like pre-marital stress-testing to me. Should I or stick to my slow dance?
– Corey Ography
Dear Fred Astaire,
“Dance me to the end of love,” said Leonard Cohen – but in your case, I think not dancing is the end of love. You have to go all out, enlist a dance instructor and take lessons every week for three months. Which is expensive. But, it’s going to get even more expensive, because you will need to bribe the dance teacher: Have them coach you right into the slow dance you wanted all along. You win points, and you don’t have any dance fails to go viral.
– Takes two to tango, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
When you are invited to someone’s house for coffee, how long should you expect to stay? Do you expect any food or just coffee? Do these rules change if you’re invited for tea? Thanks.
– Unwelcome Houseguests
Dear Grande Pains,
Coffee is explicitly no food, come for an hour, get the hell outta here. You have a very small window of time that could not be mistaken for late breakfast or early lunch. Really, you’re safe from about 10:30-10:45. Unless it’s 10:45 p.m., and you get invited for coffee, I’m pretty sure you’re not having any coffee at all, and you’ll definitely have tea to spill.
– Two sugars, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
I think it’s ridiculous that adults are expected to get Christmas presents for other adults. Not romantic partners, but friends, siblings and in-laws. I’m not saying never, but it shouldn’t be obligatory. I can’t get out of the cycle with my sister and her husband. They go all-out for Christmas and birthdays, too. And I feel obligated to play ball, lest I hurt feelings. How do I end this tradition without ending the relationship?
– The Grinch
Dear Green Meanie,
Oh ho ho. Just like your namesake leaned into Christmas in order to ruin it, you have to lean into gift-giving in order to wreck it. Two words for you: Experiential. Presents. Figure out what kind of bonding is so extremely loving, so intolerably connective, that they’ll beg you to stop. Like, an escape room with no solution? Or! Oh! Three-person dance choreography lessons for you all to perform at the family holiday dinner.
– Takes three to tango, Rachel
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