Forever tax season & one home too many

Dear Rachel,

My so-called friend has been rejecting my social invitations lately. She finally spilled that it’s because she’s been working on her taxes. Fair nuff. So I asked about a weekend a month from now. Still taxes. What about after April 15? Still taxes. I thought she was dodging me, but her husband deadpan swears she’s actually working on their taxes. Now I can’t sleep at night wondering what she could possibly be doing with three months of her life that a couple hundred dollars and H&R Block couldn’t fix?

– Tax Evasion

Dear Artless Dodgee,

I want to say that your friend is just lying to you, and her husband is oblivious and/or an accomplice to the act. But I have a friend doing the EXACT SAME THING, and I REFUSE to believe she’s evading moi. Maybe these people actually keep all their receipts, and it takes that long to sort them all? I wouldn’t know. I never actually keep receipts, although I claim everything I do is a write-off because it might appear in an Ask Rachel sooner or later.

– Like these Gucci glasses, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Now that we have second home owners in Durango, I heard a rumor that they want lawn bowling, bocce ball courts, badmitten, outdoor racquetball walls, just like in Arizona and Texas. Your thoughts on this retirement movement to Durango. They have said pickle ball, okay, but how about us who have these sports down south. City Council be prepared.

– Durango Kid

Dear Unaccompanied Minor,

“Now that we have second home owners in Durango?” Dude, there have been plethoric second home owners in Durango since my parents were rocking out to Badmitten on the phonograph. If you don’t want a racquetball wall in your hood, you just gotta start gumming up the city gubmint works (not hard) until these second home owners die and the new wave of second home owners come swooping in with a newfangled sport that might be more to your liking.

– Hold serve, Rachel