Forms, phones and fragile masculinity

Dear Rachel,

I’m switching medical providers, and the sheer number of questionnaires and info sheets I have to fill out is ridiculous. Not to mention the headache of using yet another login for yet another patient portal. What happened to one doctor’s office calling another doctor’s office to get records sent, and you just had to show up to your appointment? I’ll need a physical just for the stress of filling these things out.

– Impatient Outpatient

Dear Stress Tested,

It would absolutely help if these patient portals had been user-tested even once in development, right? There is so much money flying around the medical profession, and clearly the user interface is where they decided to skimp. Then again, does the portal need to be good? You’ll just have to fill out the same forms at the office all over again, and possibly on your way out the door again too.

– Sign here, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

There’s a masculinity crisis in our country, and I’ve been struggling to articulate it. Masculinity is a good thing! But only when it’s not a bad thing! But that stance doesn’t fly real well. Rach – you’re not bad at this kind of stuff. Maybe you can put something pithy to it?

– Man Talk Real Good

Dear Al Oquent,

I have a good start for you: don’t shorten a woman’s name when she hasn’t asked for it, and you don’t know her. (Don’t do this with anyone’s name.) On the other hand, you did ask a woman for her advice. On the original hand, you had to undercut that woman by saying she’s “not bad.” On the other hand, you’re at least trying to celebrate healthy masculinity. On the original hand, I can practically hear you calling me “doll.” Maybe figuring out how to articulate it yourself will be good for you.

– You got it, sport, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

My mother-in-law is not deaf. (She’s bad at listening, but that’s another story.) She talks at normal volumes and hears normal volume things. But she keeps her phone ringer at full blast. It makes me jump from the other room. I’ve even tried direct communication. Now, she apologizes every time it rings but refuses to turn it down. Do you know any handy hacks for breaking iPhone speakers?

– Living on Edge

Dear On the Brink,

I cannot in good faith recommend ways to break someone else’s equipment, but only because I am not in earshot of it. Have you tried turning on the silent switch? In my experience as an audience member, far too many people cannot find that switch. Alternate solution: next time your mother-in-law has a doctor’s appointment, keep calling her while she’s in the waiting room filling out forms. Nurses are no nonsense and STRONG. One of them can rough up the phone.

– Ring ring, Rachel