Frank Lockwood

Frank Lockwood

This week, advise you, Frank will.

Diver: Frank Lockwood
Interesting Fact: Frank once made wine while living near the town where Romeo and Juliet met their maker.
 

Dear Diver,
I have a sweet powder blue leisure suit I scored a while ago that I reserve for special occasions. Well, my girlfriend hates when I wear it, and incidentally, it has recently gone “missing.” She claims she has no idea what happened to it, but I think she’s lying. Please Diver, help me find powder blue – I’ve got a class reunion in August.
– Mr. Furley

Dear Mr. F,
Those power blue leisure suits are truly sweet! Would one consider buying any other color? Your concerns touch on the deepest challenges of the human condition: attachment, doubt and true love. Unfortunately, these conditions often conflict. I typically choose true love, but not everyone does. If you do, forget the suit and do something to show your girlfriend how much you love her. The suit will either re-appear magically or your attachment to it will fade. If you choose attachment, dump your girlfriend and buy a replacement on eBay for $29.
– Best of luck

 

Dear Diver,
I am trying to decide about colleges and my dad keeps pushing his alma mater, CU Boulder, saying it’s the “Harvard of the Rockies.” I’ve never heard that before, but I’ve heard a lot of other, “extracurricular” things about that school. Is CU really the Harvard of the Rockies? And if not, then what school is?
– Junior

Dear Junior,
A quick Google search for “Harvard of the Rockies” yields … wait for it … Nothing! (A search of “couch fires” yields much more about CU.) With all due respect, this humongous hyperbole is a little over-the-top. (Am I being redundant?) You need to search out factors most relevant to your future. Things like cost, programs, school and class size, and location. College is not for everyone, but it works much better if it’s a good fit. Tell your dad thanks for his input and make a decision based upon more relevant criteria. He might even respect you for it.
– Diver

 

Dear Diver,
I won two free tickets to the Ride Festival but cannot convince my husband to go see Pearl Jam with me. He keeps going off on rants about Nirvana and Mud Honey being the original grunge bands, which is strange because he hates Dave Grohl. How do I convince him this will be the concert of a lifetime and he’ll kick himself for missing it in his later years?
– Can’t Find a Better Man

Dear BM,
Ah marriage! A sacred sacrament! (“Princess Bride,” 1987, a must see, at least 10X in order to discover there is no deeper meaning, just lots of good one-liners.) So much energy is wasted in trying to remake our spouses. Many married folks believe that a happy couple must do everything together. Au contraire! Developing outside interests and friends actually strengthens your marriage. Your husband is also a big boy and has free choice (at least when you let him). Find a girlfriend and have a ball! And be careful when you come home all gaga about the concert. Don’t you become the cause of regretting his decision.
– Diver


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