GIF'd off, not making cents and pressing situation

Dear Monkish,

My favorite approach to communication is to get a voicemail, listen to it right away, refuse to call back right away because then they’d know I was just screening them for their voicemail, then forget to call back ever until I delete old voicemails months down the line and decide who can really handle me calling out of the blue without ever acknowledging their neglected VM. This new feature sounds stressful, and I am glad I don’t have any friends left to use it on me.

– Go away, Rachel

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Dear Rachel,

Dear Squeezing Cents,

Can you really say “flip a U-turn?” I think you flip a word I ought not write in the paper but is kind of like “beach.” Or else you can flip a you-ee. But that doesn’t look right. Do you flip a U-E? Whatever. You make a U-turn, flip a Ewe-Ee. And I will pay whatever they ask for stamps, so long as the sheet o’ sassy Star Wars droids is an option.

– Take my money, Rachel

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Dear Rachel, 

Dear Late Bloomer,

I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I hate YouTubing every little thing anymore. I mean, don’t get me wrong, everything I know I learned on YouTube. But watching YouTubers makes me feel like a failure, because these people with no appreciable acting or film editing skills have whole careers out of showing you the right way to, I don’t know, crack an egg. So girl, trust yourself. Just stick some flowers in a book like you always did, and then forget about them like you always did.

– [Insert appropriate GIF here], Rachel