Heather from Sideshow Emporium

Heather from Sideshow Emporium

Diver: Heather Narwid, owner of Sideshow: vintage & modern clothing.

Interesting Fact: The national animal of Scotland is the unicorn.

Dear Diver,

I have a question about river right of way. When a kayaker or surfer is playing in a wave or hole and a raft comes barreling through, who’s required to get out of the way first? Sure, the raft is the bigger craft but the kayaker or surfer was there first. Is there some sort of maritime rule on this we can refer to?

– Yakker

Dear Yakker,

Yes, it’s called the Rule of Physics. Nimble-quick surf/yak would be wise to get its playful and comparatively delicate ass out of the way of the large, less-navigable craft full of semi-nude and possibly inebriated folk. And the kayak wasn’t there first – the river was, so ultimately Old Man River is gonna put any craft wherever the hell he pleases. 

P.S. Who told you things were fair? – Diver

 

Dear Diver,

My daughter is a horsy girl and has been bugging us to get her a horse. I am adamantly opposed due to the cost and work involved, but I fear my wife is starting to cave to the idea. Please, diver, help me win this battle. How do I convince them that a goldfish, cat, dog, American Girl doll obsession – anything – is better than a horse.

–  Getting Bucked

Dear Mr. Ed,

No, the Diver cannot help you win this unwinnable battle of genetics. Certain females are hard-wired to crave the close company of large, stinky, potentially dangerous mammals. This unstoppable obsession rears up early in the female psyche as the pure and innocent, powerful and rhythmic Horse. So you will go broke with the horse, but there’s an upside: countless hours spent working, cleaning filth and fetishizing Horse will well prepare your dear girl for a womanhood experienced amongst a similar yet more questionable fetish-object: Man.

P.S. Bonus tip! Name your new pony “The Diver!”

–Diver

Dear Diver,

We are getting married later this summer and I expect all of my husband’s uptight East Coast relations will be in attendance. It’s going to be the typical outdoor Colorado wedding and needless to say, I’m sure they will all be horrified. They are going to arrive a few days early, so I plan to warm them up to the Durango lifestyle so they are not in shock on the big day. What does the diver suggest for a crash course in Durango 101 so everyone can kick up their heels and have a good time?

– The Wedding Planner

DearFit to be Tied, 

Smother their uptight, indoor-smugness with some surreal-life Colorado livin’... Welcome them to their guest accommodations: a tent and groover in your driveway. Spike every freegan meal you serve them with edible THC and play bluegrass incessantly. Explain how guests will journey to your wedding ceremony via air mattresses on the Animas River, everyone completely nude to symbolize the purity of your union. When they finally arrive at your wedding, the big-haired blue-bloods will have been Colorado’d into dazed compliance and will generously gift you with some sweet, East Coast Old Money.

– Diver

Top Shelf

Acoustic blues, rockin' at Ernie's  & smokin' that bluegrass
Acoustic blues, rockin' at Ernie's & smokin' that bluegrass
By Chris Aaland
10/17/2019

October is a busy time around the Aaland household. Annual highlights, including apple pressing, pumpkin gathering, wood splitting, chile cooking and leaf raking, and seem to take up every possible moment of the weekend.

Crescent City classics, wounded warriors & coming of the Scots
Crescent City classics, wounded warriors & coming of the Scots
By Chris Aaland
10/10/2019

For my 51st birthday last spring, my buddy Dirk Lang gave me a copy of the behemoth The Encyclopedia of Cajun & Creole Cuisine.

Townies, Floydheads and gathering of the clans
Townies, Floydheads and gathering of the clans
By Chris Aaland
10/03/2019

Old friends are something we can all use more of. Musically speaking, this week is filled with many of them.

Silver beerware, Led tributes and a golden god
Silver beerware, Led tributes and a golden god
By Chris Aaland
09/26/2019

My wife, Shelly, just returned from five days in Nashville, where she attended a work conference.

Read All in Top Shelf

Day in the Life

Total Slackers
Total Slackers
10/17/2019

What started out as a method for rock climbers to hone their balance and concentration (and remain entertained on rest days), slacklining has evolved into a full-blown sport, if not art.

Wandering on the Juan
Wandering on the Juan
By Stephen Eginoire
10/10/2019

Originating high in the alpine landscape of Colorado’s southern San Juan Mountains, the San Juan River carves its way 383 miles from mountain to desert, meandering into three states on its way to Lake Powell.

True Colors
True Colors
10/03/2019

Much to the delight of those who love the colors of autumn, this season is one for the books.

Leave Only Footprints
Leave Only Footprints
By Stephen Eginoire
09/26/2019

Perhaps one of the more curious details left behind by the original inhabitants that once roamed the western Colorado and southern Utah landscape are the ancient hand and toe trails known as moki steps.

Read All in Day on the Life