Heavy lifting, secret sauce and wannabe fan boy

Dear Rachel,

My grandpa is about to have rotator cuff surgery. He is 70 and they say his recovery is going to take 10 months. My parents told me it’s my summer job to help him lift things and do yardwork. I asked them if they’re paying me, and they say no. This means I can’t go get another summer job. What should I do?

– Volun-told Worker

Dear Enlisted Hand,

Family first, I’m afraid to say. Does Gramps require full-time support? I can’t imagine he has so many unlifted things that he needs you to lift them from 8-5 M-F. If you’re so gung-ho about working, I have to think you could slot in some part-time employment around being a good grandkid. Either way, this has to put you in good standing for the eventual inheritance.

– Trust the fund, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

I’m a Coloradan, and my Mexican home cooking is probably far from the real thing. But I just had friends over for dinner, and one  said my red chile enchiladas weren’t real enchiladas because they didn’t have white sauce. I’m no expert, but he couldn’t tell me about it. Except it wasn’t spicy but it is definitely white. Oh and he’s from the Midwest. I bit my tongue in case I was the stupid one. Please tell me if I am in fact the stupid one.

– Enchi LaLa

Dear Gringo Salsa,

I’m also no expert on Mexican cuisine. Except I eat a lot of it. A LOT. There are some delicious creamy, cheesy sauces I’ve had. There are some others that I’ve regretted eating. But one thing I’ve never seen is “enchiladas de Indiana.” Ask your new friend to pronounce “tortilla.” If it starts like “tortoise” and ends like “flotilla,” you can discount everything he says.

– Buen provecho, Raquel

Dear Rachel,

I’ve been a baseball fan forever, but I haven’t had a team since the Expos. I live here now and wonder if I should adopt the Rockies. But I don’t meet many Rockies fans. Phoenix is only an hour farther than Denver. Maybe I should root for the Diamondbacks. Except D-backs sounds an awful lot like … you know. Who do you think I should cheer for?

– Root Root Root

Dear Cracker Jack,

Why would you pick real losers for your team? At this moment, the Rockies are in last place and the D-bags are in next to last. It doesn’t matter that they’re only four games in. Baseball is now an old fogey’s game. Maybe you should take over that kid’s summer job and talk about America’s pastime with his grandpa while he recovers.

– Yer out, Rachel