House of cards, kid talk and caffeine-flation

Dear Rachel,

Me and my wife were wondering – thank you cards: lost art or waste of time, paper and postage? Should we be polite, thoughtful, connective human beings who show gratitude in writing, or will a text or (shudder) social media shout-out do?

– Thank You Very Much

Dear Donkey Shane,

Who doesn’t feel special getting a card? We’re tactile apes. We like pretty, shiny things. A text message is ethereal. I forget to respond to them all the time because they don’t even exist. That said: don’t be one of those people who send thank-you cards for every stupid thing. “Thank you for rolling down my trash bin when I forgot!” “Thank you for waving when I drove down the street!” So maybe both are right.

– Grassy ass, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

I don’t know how to talk to children. Not normally an issue, but one of my best friends is a single mom to an admittedly pretty cool kid who likes Legos, animals and stuff. I see her often enough but feel awkward every time, like I’m either talking down to her or over her head. How do I talk to a 7-year-old?

– Need a Decoder

Dear Kid Cryptograhper,

There’s advice out there that we should talk to mansplaining men as if they are 7-year-olds making discoveries for the first time. “That is fascinating information! Wow! Tell me more!” But the problem is, I think the typical 7-year-old is better at catching BS and sarcasm than your typical man. So maybe we should talk to 7-year-olds the way we wish we could talk to grown adult males.

– Lost in translation, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I know, tariffs, inflation and all that. But the price of gas station coffee is getting out of control. I was on the road last week and stopped to fill up my own mug. Three dollars! A Contigo of coffee cost more than a gallon of gas. And it goes without saying, this was gas station coffee. What gives?

– Fueled Up & Fired Up

Dear Abuzz,

I’ll pay more for a sense of humor. I’d like that gas station to offer $3 bottomless coffee, so long as you get it to go. Not valid at the next station up the road, where you’ll have to make a pit stop, because it’s coffee. I’ll also pay more for taste. If I find a $3 cup of coffee that makes me swoon, I’ll send that convenience store a thank-you note.

– On the road again, Rachel