Inbox fantasies, benevolent raccoons and star-stuck

Dear Rachel,

The problem with my email inbox is that people keep emailing me. Why should I feel obligated to take my time, and brainpower to respond to every one of them?! I’ve hit “select all” button a few times and dreamed of deleting the whole lot. Even did it once, but restored from my trash right away. Wanna be the devil on my shoulder? Or else a really convincing angel?

– Out with the Inbox

Dear Left Unread,

Tell me about it. The problem with this feature is that people keep sending in questions. Why should I feel obligated to take my time, effort and brainpower to respond to just three of them each week when we solicit all of you to write in? I’ve dreamed of scrapping the whole idea and starting up an alternative horoscope section, but realized that puts all (and not just half) of the writing on me. So I’ll encourage you to be bold instead. Delete them all! I want to live vicariously.

– Storage full, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Most people deplete my social battery. But some people charge it. I would think some people would just drain it more slowly. But no. Some people really truly fill me up. I can find myself talking to them all night long and not even wishing for sleep. And I really like sleep. How can I moderate this and discern the chargers from the drainers?

– Battery Ram

Dear Nine-volt,

I think – and I could be wrong – this is what’s called “having friends.” I’m not terribly familiar with the concept, personally, except that I have these people who keep coming around and inviting me places. They’re kind of like benevolent raccoons, honestly. Don’t moderate them out of your life just yet; see if you can train them to bring you snacks.

– Your BFF, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

It’s pretty easy around here to see the stars. You just have to go a little ways out of town on a night with no moon. I feel more human and more alive when I do this. But do I do it regularly? No. I might as well live in NYC for all the times I see the stars. Seems I need some bigger motivation. Any tips for getting me out and about at night, after playing and working hard all day?

– Milky Out-of-the-Way

Dear Star-Crossed,

Stars are pretty great. But even better? Getting away from all your problems. If you really want to feel motivated to leave civilization behind and dream of boldly going where no one has gone before, let the Crap You Have to Do pile up. Stop responding to emails until they get out of hand. Commit to way too many social obligations. Start an advice column in the paper. Before long, you’ll be out there on the hood of your car, and may never come back.

– I wish I may, Rachel