International days of drinking and sock it to me

International days of drinking and sock it to me
Dear Rachel,
St. Patrick’s Day got me thinking. Once I’d sobered up, anyway. Why don’t we have more international holidays about drinking? There are something like 200 countries in the world. Enough to have a party every other day. If any place is up to the challenge, it’s Durango. What do you think? Can we make it stick?
– World Traveler
Dear Frequent Flier,
Huh. I suppose it would be a bit like backpacking the world in your own backyard. It would also be a bit like normal life in Durango, only with more international stereotyping. Still, anything that gets us thinking about other peoples and other cultures can’t be inherently bad, can it? And every nation is bound to have its own style of alcohol, even if it’s just Americans putting food coloring in generic beer. Let’s give it a whirl.
– Party on, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

With Easter coming up, how about the Easter Bunny giving out socks instead of eggs and candy? Maybe they could go to people in need. John C has them in his car and hands them out to people. How about the Easter Bunny helps out? As a Hollywood angel (socks galore) you have a lot of power. I hope you spread the word. Bless you and be safe.
– Sockit Tommey
 
Dear Stocking Thomas,
My favorite part of this idea (except socking the homeless… wait, no, giving socks to people living on the street) is that, to you, having power equates to having socks aplenty. This is probably the greatest descriptor of wealth and influence I’ve ever heard. I wear the same socks for years until they lack functioning bottoms. Luxury, to me, would be buying 365 pairs of new socks every year, and never once having to pair them in the sock drawer. I’ll gladly give my used ones to the Easter Bunny if you think they’d come in handy.
– Footloose and fancy free, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I think this is adulthood: I’ve started measuring my mental wellbeing on the number of emails in my inbox. It used to be that anything more than 30 was out of control. Now I’m in four digit land. I think I’ve pretty much given up on ever being in control of my life ever again, and my heirs can deal with the mess I’ve left behind. Unless you see a way out of the morass?
– Bogged Down
Dear Stick in the Bog,
Here’s a wild and radical idea for you: What if you chose a particular international holiday – I’d recommend Lupercalia, the Satanist holiday of bodily autonomy and sexual liberation – to get crazy, click that “select all” box at the top of your inbox, and delete all? Then, go into your trash and delete them all permanently. As long as you still have socks, you will be free, my friend. Free.
– Without a trace, Rachel

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