Jean jacked, grocery deliverance and ex games

Dear Rachel,

I recently attended an event  and accidentally left my trusty jean jacket hanging on my chair. By the time I realized it, it was too late to go back. I tried getting in touch with the organizers but got ghosted. Do you think they have my jacket? Or did someone sneak off with my cherished and well-worn love?

– Blue Jean Jacket Blues

Dear Out in the Cold,

Oh, your jacket GONE. Gone, daddy, gone. Doesn’t matter if it was an organizer or an attendee or the cleanup crew. You see a good jacket left behind, no identifying marks, you take that with you. It’s the code of the land. I only wish I’d been the one to find it.

– Rollin’ up my sleeves, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

I just caved and had groceries delivered to my doorstep for the first time. I thought I was being ridiculous. Plus, no one can pick an avocado like I do. But I gotta say, you press some buttons and food shows up at your door? That might be worth the $20, just to avoid leaving the house. Is this my slide into complacency? Or is this service making the world (or at least my world) better?

– Food Serviced 

Dear Deadly Sin,

Is this more sloth or gluttony? Doesn’t really matter. If you’ve got the extra 20 lying around, I say why not? There are people out there making more than $20 an hour, and if spending that $20 on grocery delivery saves you an hour of dealing with City Market parking, seems legit. Of course, I’d rather spend that $20 on impulse buys within the grocery store itself, but that’s just me. Did you know sometimes ice cream is on sale?

– Beck and call, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I had to cut my ex off on all the socials because of a bunch of passive aggressive games. That was months ago. Now, her friend circle is getting digitally friendly with my new babe. Normally that’d be sus, but my ex tends to burn through friends in a regular cycle. So I’m inclined to think they’re genuinely coming around after getting burned. What do you think? Are they building healthy bridges, or are they just undercover spies?

- Ex-tracting Myself

Dear Spot,

You’re what the X marks. Don’t trust anybody – all is unfair in love and war. Doubly true, when the twain shall meet. You can’t trust them. Nor should you. Sometimes, you have to let people (and their entire blast radius) go. You can do it. I mean, it’s not like an ex can even compare to a well-worn denim jacket. Soothe yourself with some bargain-bin ice cream.

– Turn away and slam the door, Rachel