Jugs, passive aggressive texts and losing streaks
Dear Rachel,
You know those water cooler jugs? I just learned that you have to clean them. This sounds obvious NOW but for ages I’ve just thought, clean water in, nothing else ever touches the inside, we good. Until I realized this gradual discoloration of the plastic was actually algae. I’ve been drinking algae water for (can I admit this?) years now. Years! This is one part PSA and one part, if algae water gave me superpowers, what would mine be?
– Algae Girl
Dear Not the Brightest Green Lantern,
I have yet to see a commercial kitchen without black mold in it somewhere, so you probably just have normal human levels of contamination. But a photosynthetic superpower has me intrigued. Seems obvious that you’d be able to breathe underwater. Maybe produce some sort of anti-crime slime on command. You’d definitely have a future gig in a local government-funded PSA campaign. Not to mention so much potential wordplay on cleaning your jugs.
– Gettin’ juggy, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Apparently, using final periods on text messages is seen as passive aggressive by everyone Everyone except me that is because I believe in the aesthetics of punctuation Don’t use them fine I don’t care but don’t judge me for using them Not using them makes everyone sound like my mother who uses voice text and whose entire life is a run-on sentence What is your take on using periods, Rachel?
– Full Stop
Dear Insignificant Speck,
I see you, I hear you, I validate you, and I think you went overboard in your performance art. Periods within a text message have to be A-OK. It’s just putting them at the end that’s unnecessary and outdated. Like putting two spaces between sentences. Now if we could stop sending just “Sure” or just the letter “K” I’d be pleased. This is why God invented the thumbs-up reaction, which has led to the healthiest communication my parents and I have ever experienced.
– Left unread, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
I’m about to go multi-night camping for the first time in four years. It’s gonna feel real good to unplug. Except in those four years, I’ve built up all these impressive streaks. Snapstreaks, Duolingo streaks. They’re all gonna get broken. How can I find peace while also keeping my numbers active?
– Going Streaking
Dear Skids,
This is precisely why you need the detox time. What matters more, a number on an app, or your mental and emotional wellbeing? I suspect breaking the streak will free you, body and mind, to go roll in meadows, climb trees and drink fresh mountain water. After boiling it and purifying the heck out of it, of course. We can’t all be superheroes.
– Go wild, Rachel
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