Leg-old, party of one and season's greetings

Dear Rachel,

I saw that Dick Van Dyke is now too old to play with Legos. The box says up to age 99. This begs the question, can one be too old to play with Legos? I was in the Lego aisle the other day and a little snot-noser told me I was too old. I didn’t argue because his dad looked mean. But I don’t think you can be too old for Legos. Can you?

– Lego Maniac

Dear Crazy Brick Person,

You are NEVER too old to play with Legos. You can be too stodgy, or too miserable, or too hateful of everything good that’s left in the world. And you can definitely be too young. Choking hazards! But unless you are generally a choking hazard as an adult, have at it. What’s the point of having any income-earning potential if not to have a little fun once in a while?

– Leggo my Lego, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I don’t actually like New Year’s Eve. In fact, I’m already building up anxiety over the ordeal. It just doesn’t have the same standards of food and song that the rest of the holidays have. It has champagne, but not until midnight, by which point I’m already done and just want to go to bed. We think every year will be better and are usually disappointed. What are some ideas for an anti-New Year’s Eve?

– Auld Lang Sayonara

Dear Old Acquaintance,

Ooh, the anti-party is always a fun time. My version usually includes all the trappings of a real party, such as meats and cheeses and wine and music, but none of the people. Just me, some flannel PJs and no alarm in the morning. You’re welcome to join me! All of you! But from the comfort of your own living rooms.

– Be forgot, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Why do people get so upset with “happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? Christmas is a holiday. Plus we like to shorten everything, so it’s a wonder we don’t just say “HH.” I have a new revenge strategy. We start listing off all the holidays until people walk away. “Happy Thanksgiving Merry Christmas Happy Hanukkah Merry Kwanzaa Cheers to Solstice … .” What do you think?

– H.H.

Dear Harry Houdini,

That’s not how you make people disappear. That’s how you annoy someone to the point where you end up a nondenominational tree topper. Instead, if you want to make people uncomfortable, stare them dead in the eye and ask them what they celebrate. Whatever they answer, wish them a happy that. Me, I’ll be having a happy Lego and wine session.

– Merry everything, Rachel