Melan-MIA, plugging in and best pot shop name ever

Dear Rachel,

As a special movie star and in the know, where is MILANYA? Is she missing in action and no one cares? I think she is cooking something up for Donald, and it ain’t cookies. I guess he might be working on chain migration to another country. Oh that’s bad… Baking cookies for her chain migration family makes it better. Can you bird dog down why we see no sighting or on the stump with him?

– Rats

Dear Sinking Ship,

The first time I rolled a joint, I was in high school and had a paper due. I ended up getting way more stoned than I intended. Nevertheless, I sat down to work on the paper, and the words kept crawling around my computer screen, and I could never reach the end of even one sentence. I learned my lesson, which might come in handy to all the readers of your letter: just put on some good music and close your eyes until it passes.

– Breathing through it, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I’m single again, and I decided I’ll look for love at live music events. Seems like a great place to meet people with similar interests. Except, I turned into my parents during the pandemic. I now feel more comfortable wearing earplugs for anything louder than a Garrison Keillor poetry reading. Can I still find love? Or will the earplugs mark me as a loser dweeb?

– Say What

Dear What?,

People who take at least minimal care of their bodies are increasingly super sexy. I haven’t personally tried wooing (or been wooed by) the aurally conscious, but I imagine earplugs are a bit like retainers: I’m immediately impressed if you’re using them. Just take them out before bed if things are going to get hot and heavy.

– Rock on, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

What is the biggest pot hole in Durango? I don’t mean pot shops. How about your fans send you photos and you judge the best and biggest. I’m sure you will get a lot. I know tire shops love them, but not me. 

– Asphalt Andy

Dear Mac Adam,

How is there not a dispensary called The Pot Hole? It wouldn’t be the classiest joint in town (har), but it would be the seediest (also har). On another note, I suspect you’re a man, because no woman would invite the public – still largely comprised of men – to submit photos, period, let alone of anything “best and biggest.” No amount of putting on good music and closing my eyes can unsee what I’ve seen WITHOUT asking for it.

– Holesomely, Rachel