Minus one, coup d'ink and petty parking

Dear Rachel,

This is getting awkward. I’m part of a couple. We have this other set of couple friends. Her schedule is insane, so we are never really able to plan time together. But we like him better anyway. We want to invite just him over to play board games, have dinner, whatever. We also don’t want to make it weird – it’s not any kind of swinger or poly thing. It’s just always been a couples chilling with couples friendship. How can we make friends with one of them without making waves too?

– Ménage a Friend

Dear Tragic Trio,

You’ve already given me the language you need to use in this sticky situation. “Do you want to come over to play board games, have dinner, whatever? We don’t want to make it weird! It’s totally not any kind of swinger or poly thing!” Direct communication is key when you want to imbalance the power dynamic in a couples’ friendship.

– The Platonic ideal, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I heard that the Herald offices are sitting on one of the largest ink reserves in Southwest Colorado. Now I know that relations between the Tele and the Herald cannot always be chipper. Maybe it’s time you send over a force of delivery folks to slip in and seize control of those ink assets. You could even run the Herald until you install new leadership. We could pretend it’s all about journalistic ethics, but really we know it’s for the ink. You in?

– New World Order

Dear Instigator,

Oh, sure, it sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Just take over the ink. But what happens when we take over all the ink, and it turns out that we now have to run a daily paper in addition to a weekly one? That’s so much work, and we, or at least I, am not prepared for that cadence and commitment. Plus, we like being able to take off for the holidays. 

– Extradited on charges, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

So I live in this row of units with assigned parking. We each get a numbered space, which alternates with an unnumbered guest space. It’s implied we each get the vacant space adjacent to ours. Well, this person two doors down refuses to park in her numbered space, instead parking in my neighbor’s guest space, bumping their two cars down into my guest space, so my guests have to park across the street. This feels so petty to be upset about, but I’m petty. How can I make her never want to park out of line again?

– Squeezed Out

Dear Richard Petty,

This feels like an appropriate use of that asphalt spraypaint that utilities use. Plenty of ways to diagram, with arrows and circles and crude sketches, where your neighbor ought to park. Or, kill them with kindness! Invite them over for dinner. Include the in-between neighbors. Just say, “Hey, since we’re all so squished in anyway, want to come over for board games or whatever? It’s totally not any kind of swinger thing!” That might buy you some space. (… Or not.)

– Never between the lines, Rachel