Moth infestations, the name game & barking up the family tree

Moth infestations, the name game & barking up the family tree

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Interesting fact: Moths flying in our ears is really quite rare. It’s much more commonplace for cockroaches to crawl in there. 
 
Dear Rachel,
Right now, as I write to you, there’s a moth on the wall above my bedside light. It’s nighttime, and the moment I turn out that light, the moth will fly right into my face. I won’t even have my cell phone lighting up my mug. It’s just a given that moths find their way into my business. Tell me, is this like campfire smoke following beauty? Do moths only haunt the most beautiful among us? Or do they just haunt the haunted?
– Moth-er Lode
Dear Moth-er Ship,
Oh, do they haunt the haunted. A reputable source, who has only twice pranked me, talks about her friend who went to the ER and was told by one of the nurses that sometimes patients come in going quite insane because moths have flow in their ears. Sometimes they get the moths out and the patients are fine. Sometimes they get the moths out and the patients end up spending the rest of their lives in the attics in a Brontë sister’s novel. Seems legit, right?
– Sweet dreams, Rachel
 
Dear Rachel,
I’m always surprised by companies with names that can be so easily misread. For instance, my humidifier is made by Boneco, but I always read the label as Bone Co. (which sounds much more metal and much less Italian or whatever). I also just ordered some serious bulk cashews from a website called Nutstop, which you’d think is Nut Stop but could also be Nuts Top. It’s not clear. Is trademark ambiguity some desirable trait? Or are people just not thinking?
- Bulls Hitman
Dear Kids Exchange,
You offer some remarkably innocent examples. No mention of the websites Speed of Art, or Who Represents, or Les Bocages, or Mole Station Nursery. That doesn’t even get into folks burdened with names like Buttram who can never fulfill lifelong dreams of opening a power tools company. The answer to an unfortunate professional name is just to run with it. Own it. And maybe help me come up with a new name for this column to boost our web traffic.
– Powergen Italia, Rachel 
 
Dear Rachel,
My mom insists on including all the dogs in the family in our family tree. Now my dog IS my family, so I’m not judging. But it gets super confusing. My mom’s dog is my sister, which makes her my dog’s aunt. My mom is also my dog’s grandma, and my sister’s dog who came with her husband when they married is my nephew-in-law. How can I break my mom of this complicated habit without rubbing her nose in it?
– Barking Treed
Dear Litter-bug,
Have you already written the bluegrass song? Please tell me you’ve already written the bluegrass song. It’s not a pure country song, unless the dogs are running off with each other and leaving you destitute and lonesome. It requires three-part howling and probably some ad-libbed banter with the audience. Oh, and make it funny. I need a real pick-me-up to take my mind off of moths in my ears – which would also make a great bluegrass tune.
– Scratch my ear, Rachel

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