Not OK boomer, short people & no vaccine for crazy

 

Dear Stephen Hawking,

Maybe I have culled those particular boomers from my feeds. But what I have noticed is a serious uptick in ads for those weirdly specific, endless lists of qualities printed on various t-shirts and other merch. “BORN in AUGUST, blonde-haired badass, LOVES TO RIDE, gave my life to jesus, one fierce MAMA who you BeTtEr NoT lOoK aT because my MAN loves ME very MUCH (and he bought me this bandana). — Mahatma Gandhi.” Does this fit in your theory?

– Only a hypothesis, Rachel

 

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Dear Rachel,

 

Dear Today’s Problem,

There have always been lenient parents. I’d prefer lenient parents to ones who beat their kids. There is never a reason to beat a kid. But there is a reason to beat a letter-writer, and that’s when they make their letters so short that we here at Ask Rachel have to fluff up our answers to fill the space. We have word counts, people! If I don’t fill my allotted space, then the paper has to sell more ads. And if the paper doesn’t sell more ads, then it has to cut pages. And if the paper has to cut pages, that means you get less “Flash in the Pan,” or less “La Vida Local,” or maybe the horoscopes have to go. Don’t make us cut the horoscopes. It’s why people pick up the paper.

– Yesterday’s solution, Rachel

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Dear Rachel,

 

Dear Doomed by Genes,

Someone on the internet, probably Mark Twain, said that it’s hard to win an argument with a smart person, but impossible to win with a stupid one. Not calling yo mama stupid, but her thinking sure is. Layers of cray-cray for sure. The problem is, you can’t burn a rotten onion. Nor do they fall far from onion-trees. As Deepak Chopra says, “Enjoy your life now, because those layers are a-coming for you.”

– Cry cry cry, Rachel