Parental rights, wind blown and breaking for naps

Parental rights, wind blown and breaking for naps
Dear Rachel,
My parents are doing the retirement-downsizing thing. They’ve decided a bunch of their stuff isn’t worth hanging onto. But now they’re guilting me into bringing it all home. Why should I feel obligated to take on the loads of junk that my parents feel perfectly fine getting rid of? I shouldn’t, right? 
– Hand-Me-Downs
 
Dear Best Little Hoardhouse,
Time to bring back the Swedish death cleaning! Not that it ever went anywhere. Presumably the Swedes have been practicing it for a long time. Not much else to do when winter nights are 20 hours long. Now is your chance to lay claim to anything you’ve ever wanted. A cherished heirloom, that Picasso in the garage you’ve suspected is authentic. After that? Turn your phone off until your parents finish moving.
– Dump it up, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Why does the wind wear me out so much? I spend all year in rain and snow. But put me in  wind for five lousy minutes, and I get irritable and downright grumpy. It’s not even the grit in my eyes or the extra exertion to pedal. It just makes me hate the world and everything in it. Why does this happen? What can I do to stop it?
- Windbroken
 
Dear Winded Up,
In Soviet Russia, you do not break wind. Wind breaks you! Couldn’t help myself. Seriously, I got nothing for you. Wind sucks. And it doesn’t make logistical sense. Why does air have to travel from over there to over here, where there was already air here before the air started moving? And if air has to move, why can’t it maintain a gentle, steady breeze? I’d even accept an oscillating fan pattern of windflow. Something Jimmy Buffet might sing about. None of this nerve-fraying garbage.
– This blows, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

For all the efforts toward multiculturalism lately, which I think are great, I think we’re still coming up short on adapting more meaningful traditions – specifically siestas. What would it take for us to implement midafternoon breaks in our society? I’d also be fond of adapting the cultures with stronger communal and familial bonds, but let’s start with siestas.
- Nap Time
Dear Siesta Fiesta,
The only thing stopping you from taking a nap is probably that your boss can see you. Or the nagging voice of your mother telling you you’re lazy. Maybe it’s the stress of everyday life that, paradoxically, makes true rest impossible. We’re Americans; we have to EARN our basic necessities like sleep. So go help your mother clean out her shed, and then we can talk siestas.
– Snooze, Rachel

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