Pass wore-out, heavy chewers and eggs-istential crisis

Dear Rachel,

I’ve hit my critical mass for password retention. For a few years, I could remember them all. Then I had to resort to repeating them (gasp). Then to a notebook. Now I just can’t. I had to create an account to order from the QR code at a restaurant, and it broke me. I’m done. Help?

– 0v3rL0aD3d

Dear Alpha Numeric,

Passwords are so passé. Everyone now is using TFA, which stands for “this, frigging again?” My email, of course, requires its own one-time passcode sent to my backup email, which is easily hackable because it’s the Yahoo! account I opened in middle school, but who cares because that’s where I send all the junk mail. If someone can find my one-time passcode in there before it expires, they can have it.

– Cryptically, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

Riddle me this: My dog will destroy any stuffed animal you give him in about three minutes. But, it’s only outside. Inside, he will carry them around and sleep on them. Never once in three years has he murdered an inside toy. I don’t want to deprive him of the joy of outside toys, but I can’t sustain that rate. Any ideas?

– Inside Out

Dear Outside In,

This feels so obvious that maybe you overlooked it. How about sturdy outside toys and fuzzy inside ones? If he only likes the fluff, I suggest the ones that have a thick rope skeleton that withstands heavy-duty chewing. My friends have those. Granted, they have them for their human children (don’t ask), but sounds like a good idea for pups, too.

– Fuzzy wuzzy, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

The egg crisis seems to be getting a little better. Or have I just acclimated? I still eat fewer eggs because it feels … like the right thing to do, but I kept the last few egg cartons I emptied. I leave them in the fridge so my friends will think I’m rolling in dough … erm, or at least eggs. It’s the new status symbol. How else can I look wealthy in 2025 when everyone else is panicking?

– Hatching Plans

Dear Shell of a Man,

Easy, yo. The best status symbol of 2025 is walking down the street like you don’t have a care in the world. Answering “How are you?” with an actual smile. Being one of those insiders doing insider trading. Using those resources to pay for a top-tier password manager that generates passwords for you and buying your dogs (plural) all the stuffed animals they can manage. And not the cheap ones at TJ Maxx, either.

–  Making it rain, Rachel