‘Tis the season for self-improvement and all that. I’ve decided to work on my willpower. When I’m focused on something and I hear my phone, I don’t allow myself to open past the lock screen until I finish the thing I’m doing. I don’t think it’s working though. Because trying not to look at the screen takes more effort & time away from work than just looking at it does. How do I get better? Or am I just wasting my energy?
Dear Over Exertion,
Willpower is a muscle, so they say. Which means you gotta work it. But since you’re not used to working it, you’re likely to strain a ligament or a tendon or something. Which will require you to ice your willpower and recuperate for 6-8 weeks. If you don’t, you could risk needing surgery. That would lay you up for months. So, maybe focus on putting your phone in the other room, in a safe with a timer. Or just turn off notifications.
– Out of focus time, Rachel
I was following a beer delivery truck on College Ave. It pulled into a liquor store to deliver the needed goods. Well, the license plate on the back was red and white, with the side saying GOV on the plate. I think that stands for government issued. So, do we get a kick back from the sales to go into city, county, state budget?
– Beer Bubbles
Yeah, you get to kick back with a cold one after a hard day of vigilantism! That’s the kick back you can count on. Technically, though, aren’t all license plates government issued? Which, gotta say, I’m a fan of the front-and-back his-and-hers plates in Colorado. Cuts way, way down on the quotient of tacky nongovernment-issued plates. And our green-and-white is just handsome. The GOV ought to change away from red just so people like you aren’t drawn to them like a shark to blood.
– Unlicensed, Rachel
My pet parent friends are now celebrating their animals’ Gotcha Days, since no one knows when their real birthdays are. I can’t stand this term Gotcha Day, because I think of parents chasing their kids around (for fun!) and growling “Gotcha!” when they gotcha. Can we please rename these celebrations?
– Gotcha Gume
Dear Getted Gotted Good,
The real fun here is imagining the ways we could incorporate that Frankenstein’s monster style of “gotcha” into Gotcha Day celebrations. “It’s Spot’s Gotcha Day, kids! Let’s see who can get 10 tourists on Main the fastest!” Bonus points for Most Innovative Celebratory Gotcha, and the Best Long Play Gotcha, which definitely hurts the “fastest” goal but requires the sort of willpower I’m game for exerting.
– Gonna getcha, Rachel