Rachel for veep, Mix Master 550 & soap scumbag
Dear Rachel,
Big news with Biden stepping down and Kamala Harris stepping up. The buzz is going to be, can she beat the Big T, and who’s her running mate? We’ll see on the first one. But on the second, I have this sneaking suspicion that she’s going to choose you. Will you accept? What will you bring to the table? Can we count on you to lead this great nation as a reliable number two?
– Punch Your Ticket
Dear Fellow American,
I have absolutely no qualifications to be a vice president, which might make me the best candidate for the job. You’re right that I am under consideration. If elected to run for election, I promise to read most of the Constitution with my own eyes to understand what I’m standing for. And then I will stand for it. Except for the things I cannot stand for. You can count on that. Can I count on you in return?
– Dem nuts, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Well, we finally got the Bridge to Nowhere done. Hey, it goes somewhere, south into New Mexico. We know that much. So, let’s rename it. How about the Cork Screw to the South. Pathway to Enchantment, South Mix Master. You got some ideas? Or you could have a contest for a new name. You know your stuff on the Highway to Hell and Back.
– Road Hog
Dear Street Pig,
Why change the name at all? It still leads nowhere. Hey-oh! I know, we all like to pick on New Mexico, which wishes they were Colorado cool. But New Mexico isn’t all bad. I met a NM driver once who didn’t even run into me. And it’s true that Albuquerque’s elevation is actually higher than Denver’s. I’m pretty OK with taking the Front Range down a peg or two with that knowledge. But still, that road ain’t going anywhere you want to be.
– Dead end, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Do you have any tips and tricks for cleaning the shower really fast? It’s the chore my wife and I both hate most. We divvy up everything else just fine, but we avoid the shower like the plague. Which it probably carries by now, because we clean it so seldom. Like, if there was a Roomba for the bathtub, I’d buy it. Thought maybe you’d have some suggestions, either for getting it done or else for dodging it.
– 3/4 Bath, 1/2 Ass
Dear Fractionally Helpful,
I would say hire some help! But I realize that is not attainable for everyone. So I recommend either you or your wife decide to run for president. You’ll get a Secret Service detail, which if I understand correctly means they have to do basically anything you ask them to, in order to ensure your safety. Can’t risk a contendah slipping and falling on some soap scum! For the good of the country!
– Pop your bubble, Rachel
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