Saved by the boss, styrofoam stash and ride bribes

Saved by the boss, styrofoam stash and ride bribes

Dear Rachel,
My boss just saved me from a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad faux pas. How do I thank her? I mean, there is no Hallmark section for “I almost stepped in a big pile of poo and then walked all around town with it, turning everyone against our product, but I didn’t thanks to you” cards. This is if there’s even a good way to call it out. Maybe I’m just supposed to forget it ever happened and never speak of it again? 
– SNAFU

Dear FUBAR,
When I looked up FUBAR to make sure I was spelling it right, I learned that it and SNAFU both originate from World War II. A lot of things did not go right in that war, apparently. But you know what did go right? We beat the Nazis. Now those are some people who made a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad faux pas (if by “faux pas” we mean “an entire string of the worst deeds committed by people, ever”). So if your mistake was anything significantly this side of Nazism, I’d say a simple “thanks, you saved my unfortunate butt,” or TYSMUB, will do the trick.
– SUSFU, Rachel


Dear Rachel,
I ventured into my neighbor’s garage the other day (don’t worry, I was invited) to borrow a jigsaw when I saw it. Shelves and shelves full of empty egg cartons. This man does not have chickens to make eggs to fill these cartons. I can think of no other purpose that warrants hoarding them. Is this suspicious behavior? Should I be reporting this to the NSA? 
– Walking on Egg Cartons

Dear Cracked,
I never thought about this before. But cartons are basically shells for eggshells. Anyway, I can’t possibly answer your question, because you didn’t specify if the cartons were that papery stuff, plastic or Styrofoam. Who uses Styrofoam anymore anyway? Someone must, because when the store is low on eggs, it’s always the $8/dozen organic eggs with two cracked ones left over, and like a gazillion Styrofoam ones. It’s not even an environmentalist thing. I just can’t stand the sound of Styrofoam.
– Squeak squeak, Rachel


Dear Rachel,
What’s the etiquette on asking for a ride into town? I took my truck to the shop recently and had no problem getting a ride home at the end of the day. I live a ways out of town, and I’m not a bicyclist. But getting a ride back into town to pick it up? That’s proving tricky. No one in my neighborhood seems to be around when I start calling. And they’re not returning my texts (probably blaming “bad service” out here, whatever). What’s a guy gotta do to bribe a ride these days?
– Stranded at Home

Dear Marooned,
Well, maybe it helps to get up before your neighbors actually go to work (or hiking, or whatever they do). You need to make it easy on them, so: knock on their doors so they can’t ignore you. Make a plan for a mutually amenable time. Offer a six-pack of Mexi Lager as payment. Then, get your tush on a bike so you become more self-reliant. You’ll never beat the Nazis with your current attitude.
– Thumbin’ it,  Rachel
 

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