Seat shifters, the worst fans ever and short people, redux
Dear Rachel,
Any time my car is in the shop, the mechanics readjust my seat. Oil change or transmission repair, doesn’t matter. Old days, you used to just move the seat forward or back. Now you can adjust height and tilt and temperature. And they muck with all of it. Particularly for the work that requires them to move the car 20 feet into the bay and another 20 feet out of it, why is this necessary? Do the mechanics get off on the power trip?
– Seatbacked in a Corner
Dear Maladjusted,
The position of one’s seat is a highly personal matter. This is the sole reason I could never share a car with a partner, or a spouse, or a fellow taxi driver. I would straight up hire someone to murder them. The truth is, there are probably a dozen seat configurations that would all serve me well. But when the seat gets moved, I spend the next week agonizing over whether it’s right or wrong and tweaking it constantly. That’s probably enough for my passengers to straight up hire someone to murder me, too.
– Upright and locked, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Driving through another city recently, the morning radio shock jock opined that the worst fans in sports are baseball fans. This, because some Mets fans are booing the Mets. I presume solely for being the Mets. I cannot imagine that baseball fans really are the worst, when there are Raiders and Chiefs fans both in the same sport. Are they really the worst, though? And if not, who is?
– Teamster
Dear Groupie,
I’m inclined to put in a vote for golf fans. I cannot think of a way someone could be a GOOD golf fan. Are you so passionate that you get a golfer’s face stickered on the rear windshield of your car? Are you so dedicated that you attend every one of Tiger’s tee-offs? Do you calculate the correct volume to clap in relation to the impressiveness of a putt? But then I remember football also has Cowboys fans, and so yeah, that’s definitely the worst.
–Boooooooo, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
You kiss short people on the top of the head. That is both endearing and condescending.
– john
Dear Toilet,
Forget the worst fans. You have the worst innocuous name. John seems so harmless, but it’s actually slang for so many terrible things. Plus, why would you write in this statement without any context to remind me and both my readers what sage advice I offered? Because I know I would never suggest kissing short people on the top of the head. That’s an offense on par with failing to capitalize your own name. Seriously, dude. That lowercase letter just looks like a kiss atop an uncomfortably short J.
– Port-o-Rach, Rachel
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