Seeing the light, lezbarus and troubled water
Dear Rachel,
Okay so all of us sane individuals agree that Christmas decorations should be down by now. But what about the not-strictly-Christmas ones? I’m talking specifically about twinkle lights. Nothing says we shouldn’t enjoy little sparkles all through the winter season. I think we should be fine keeping up white lights until the equinox or so. Certain neighbors of mine disagree very passive-aggressively. What do you think?
– Shining Bright
Dear Twinkle Twinkle,
I fall pretty squarely in the if-it-don’t-hurt-nobody, we-don’t-have-to-care camp. Your little lights bring you joy, don’t they? Then, so long as they’re not the seizure-inducing flashing kind, or any sort of color, or in the shape of caribou, or excessive to the point of disorienting migratory birds, or even one inch over your property line, then I say keep ‘em blazing as long as you please.
– I’m gonna let it shine, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Of all the weird stereotypes, the weirdest one to me is that Subarus are the car of choice for… ahem… women of a certain orientation. There has to be something behind it, but also, I don’t understand how they became lesbian cars and not, like, dirtbag cars or something. Do you know what’s behind this association?
– Women on Wheels
Dear Roller Girl,
Oh oh, I know this one! Or I did. The details are fuzzy. But the long/short is that market research back in the day showed that unmarried women were buying Subarus at higher than expected rates, despite all the advertisements for dirtbag bros. A tweak-tweak here, a tweak-tweak there, and some statistician nerd realized why these customers were unmarried. Bada-bing, they leaned into this target audience – including improving the shopping experience for women – and now it turns out all of us in Colorado are at least a little bit lesbian.
– Vroom vroom, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
My mother is obsessed with filtering her water. To the point she freaks out if I get myself a glass from the tap. She insists on giving the dogs filtered water, too. I figure, of all the things to kill me eventually, water is pretty far down the line. It’s becoming a point of friction between us. Do I give up to make her happy or dig my heels in because my body, my choice?
– Water Wars
Dear Wet Blanket,
I refer you to the Christmas light question above. Does it hurt you, literally at all, to have your mother pouring you and the dogs some filtered water? Would it actually kill you to just say, “Hey thanks, Mom, I appreciate you looking out for me”? If so, I totally get it. My mother drives me nuts with every blasted thing she does. It’s worse now that she’s single again. I wish she’d go get herself someone else to annoy, whether or not they drive a Subaru. Don’t care.
– Tapped out, Rachel
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