Shipping sham, premature holidaytion and balancing act
Dear Rachel,
Why do we all fall for marketing ploys like free shipping? Don’t we know that nothing is free, and we’re just paying for shipping in the price of the things we buy? One way or another, those companies are gonna get theirs. And they ain’t giving us jack except reasons to hook ourselves on their products. Yet this keeps working. Why do we think we’re getting a good deal?
– Door Busted
Dear Smart Shopper,
It’s all psychology. We’re just rats with cheese in the big maze of the 21st century. Did you know we’re each exposed to something like 10,000 ads a day? You have to be very selective with what you give your attention to, or the bastards will grind you down. That’s why the only ads you should succumb to are those in the Telegraph. Our sponsors ensure you get a 100% discount on each week’s paper! Plus, free delivery to that place you like to go to!
– Limited time offer, Rachel
Dear Frauline Rachel,
Why is Oktoberfest held in September? Did the Germans start drinking and lose time and go into October? I’ll drink to that … How about you? Do you have a farm and a harvest in October? Prost.
– Polka Dolly
Dear Braumeister,
Big mistake, mein Freund! Oktoberfest isn’t a harvest festival at all. Plus, you think farmers can take two weeks off right before the Halloween pumpkin rush? Nein! It’s actually a chance for the German economy to take massive advantage of drunk tourists who buy lederhosen and dirndls. As for why it’s in September – we start celebrating Christmas in September, too. September is just a good month for premature holidaytion.
– Lass uns gehen, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
I keep getting ads for credit card balance transfers. They always have some great deal like 0% INTEREST FOR 12 MONTHS. This got me thinking, what’s to stop me from opening up three or four credit cards and constantly transferring the balances? Couldn’t I basically take a free vacation that way? Or eat free for a year? It all goes away once I’m dead anyway, right? So I just have to keep the jig going that long.
– Shell Game
Dear Juggler,
You want to talk 0% interest? That’s how much interest I have in trying to rig the system. You wanna know why? The house always wins. I might think I’m getting ahead, but then some small print will bite me in the butt. Next thing you know, I’m remortgaging a house, and I don’t even OWN a house. It gets complicated. But if they throw in free shipping, I’ll bite.
– Sleight of hand, Rachel
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