Skinny tire scorn, half-baked and Bozos in space

Skinny tire scorn, half-baked and Bozos in space
Dear Rachel,
The Durango Kid, Sepp Kuss, won stage 15 of the Tour de France! Durango is now receiving a lot of cycling attention we simply don’t deserve. We have world-class mountain biking and hiking trails, beautiful rivers to raft and fish, great rock-climbing options, and a ski resort, but road biking hasn’t received any love. The city hasn’t made the necessary investments & unfortunately most drivers don’t have a clue what 3 feet of space means. Does our city have something against men in tights with shaved legs? I’m simply asking for a few bike lanes and for folks to share the road. Come on, it’s not like I’m being unrealistic and asking for a Trader Joe’s in Durango.
 – 3 feet kind of guy
Dear More Like 3 Inches,
We all know how guys are with measurements. Whether it’s bench pressing or… you know… “roadside space,” you have to cut the number in half right out of the gate. Then you have to assess for aggression, bullheadedness and past deceptive history. Then you have to account for the fact that Durango and Colorado drivers are way, WAY roomier than our counterparts in literally any other state. At least our highways have shoulders to measure.
– Beep beep, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

The “Great British Baking Show” is the pinnacle of Western television. And not just in the reality category. Ever since I discovered it, I’ve been salivating and dreaming about mirror glazes, sure, but I have also discovered the art of the gentle teardown. British people can be brutal! But it always sounds the same as “here is a biscuit with your tea.” How do they pull it off?
– Dry Yet Flavorful
Dear Crunchy and Bland,
Your letter is quite formulaic but technically successful. The layers are even, and your point finished setting before you signed off. Yet it’s uninspired. The wit is stodgy, and many readers expect a saltier approach. Even a finish with a greater kick. However, the presentation is concise, required a minimum of copyediting, and is cogent. You may remain another week.
– Cheerio, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I am absolutely in freaking love with the Federal Aviation Administration right now. They literally changed the rules on what it means to be an astronaut just so Jeff Bezos wouldn’t get his wings. Sure, the Virgin guy got his, but I can think of no one better to deny at the goal line than Mr. Amazon. Can we start changing the definitions for other jobs, too?
– Every Time a Bell Rings
Dear Ding-Dong,
Isn’t this the way: you either can’t get 3 feet of space, or 50 miles isn’t enough. I mean, I’m not crying over Bezos; odds are he can buy his wings using an employee discount and free Prime. But I can think of a few job definitions we ought to change. Like, I think that KDUR’s Development Director ought to be responsible for selling newspaper ads. And writing movie review haikus.
Where have you gone, Lainie Maxson,
Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you,
– Woo woo woo, Rachel

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