Stuck up, federal holidaze and mind on my money

Dear Rachel,

Brands use stickers as marketing. But I wonder. Did seeing a sticker on a water bottle or lamppost ever convince someone to buy a product? “Gee,” I don’t think, standing in the beer aisle, “that Breckenridge sticker I saw on a stop sign sure makes me want to taste this seasonal ale.” Is this smart on some level or just more visual pollution?

–Sticking Point

Dear Tacky,

It’s called “brand awareness.” RACHEL. One instance of seeing a sticker is not enough to make you buy a six-pack. RACHEL. But the more you see that brand RACHEL, the more familiar with it your brain becomes. RACHEL. Familiarity breeds trust. RACHEL. So it might take a thousand stickers RACHEL, but eventually, your subconscious RACHEL will trust that brand RACHEL without question. RACHEL. Make sense?

–The one you can count on, RACHEL

Dear Rachel,

I’m pro-worker’s rights. I think workers should get paid days off and vacations. But I also get pissed when I can’t go to the bank on Presidents Day or International Day of Donuts or whatever the holiday is. How do I rectify these two sides of my being?

–Jekyll and Hyde

Dear Hyde and Seek,

I think the same thing anytime I’m unfortunate enough to hold down a job with 8-5 hours. Everything I need to do also has 8-5 hours. Getting anything done means skipping work. Which means not getting paid. Which means not affording the things I need to do. Maybe we should ALL get a paid day off every week but on a staggered basis. Or maybe we should just leave the capitalistic system. Or invent an eight-day week.

–AWOL, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I keep getting advice to put my money to work or have my money work for me. This all sounds great. Except that I need to get money to have money. And that’s not happening according to script. How are young people like me (or anyone trying to make it) supposed to get enough money to put it to work?

–Interested in Interest

Dear Compounding Curiosity,

You know what you need? Some stickers. The money is not flowing yet because clearly not enough people know who you are. Take me, RACHEL. Entire tens of people probably recognize RACHEL because they start fires with this page of the paper every week. When they have a question, you know who they think of? Abby, that bitch. But then they eventually resort to me, RACHEL. And someday it will result in money I can put to work.

–Suck it, Abby, Rachel