Super specific, burrito blunders and air heads

Dear Rachel,

I think those generational lines between Boomers/GenX/Millennials etc. are a bunch of bull honky. But I’ve discovered the real generational divide: Superheroes. I mean, everyone my dad’s age likes the Batman of a certain vintage. So I guess I mean “Avengers” movies specifically. My older friends run the gamut from “don’t get it” to “can’t stand it.” My younger friends can talk about them eternally. And I feel like I’m truly on the divide. Can I bridge the gap, do you think? Or am I the tracks dividing the town by age?

– The Real Geriatric Millennial

Dear Stuck Iin the Middle,

Maybe you just need better friends? Because I don’t care what age you are, or what your sexual identity is, or even what century you are from: Mark Ruffalo is freaking adorable when he’s not all big and green, and kind of even when he is, and if the “Avengers” just wanted to make a whole series showing him ordering takeout and being all deferential and polite about it, I’d pay.

– Hulking out, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

I just had the worst morning ever, casualty free division. After a lot of minor hassles stacked on top of one another, I decided to treat myself to a breakfast burrito. Red chili. Well, I got it to the car, and I had to juggle some things, so I tucked it under my arm. Guess I’ve been working out, because I smashed that burrito all over my shirt. I said two words – the first of which was “Oh” – sat the burrito on my bumper … then promptly lowered the tailgate on it. So, any advice for removing stubborn chili stains?

– Smashing Fashion Sense

Dear Squirt,

Who do I look like, Martha Stewart? Much more up my line of expertise is a question like, “So can I still eat this burrito?” The answer to which, of course, is yes. That burrito is the embodiment of all that was wrong with your day. In some cultures, real and/or fictional, consuming your enemy is the way to absorb their powers and defeat them. Incorporate that burrito into your body. Especially because, come on, it never even hit the ground.

– Bon appetit, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Working from home most of the last year, I’ve ended up with crap jammed in my keyboard, and no supply closet stocked with air cans to clean it out. No pens, no lead refills for the mechanical pencils I think I’ll use but never do: this stuff I can get used to. But the lack of air cans has me consternated. And blowing doesn’t seem to do the trick. Any thoughts on how to get back my “return” key’s functionality are welcome.

– Jammin’

Dear Bob Marley,

You need to find a radioactive air can (or maybe an air pump would do), eat it to absorb its power, and become a superhero keyboard de-jammer cleaner person. This is the superhero that can seal the cosmic gap in our generations. Communication between the eras cannot happen without a full alphabet, and I for one am tired of avoiding the tilde key that’s been stuck on my laptop since 2018.

– It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s me, Rachel