Tackling fur, tech and tired jokes

Dear Rachel,

This is one of the deep philosophical questions of our time: Does shedding feel good to dogs? On the one hand, they might feel miserable with fistfuls of fur falling out and going through big changes. On the other hand … how could it not feel satisfying to have clumps of fur sliding out and new fur coming in? Might be like popping a zit. Where do you fall on the debate?

– Fur or Against

Dear Fuzzy Wuzzy,

I don’t know how it feels to them, but it feels good to me. The second I see those butt floofs, I just want to get my fingers on them. I will follow around strange huskies and German shepherds this time of year just for a chance at grooming their fluff. Those big clusters that slide out all together? Man. That’s better than sex and ice cream put together.

– Feeling plucky, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

The worst part of being a small businessperson isn’t all the hours and all the stress and all the uncertainty. It’s all the tech. How am I supposed to be my own IT guy? Just found out half our emails are bouncing because we didn’t set up some appropriate code with the domain server, and that right there is the end of my tech lingo. I know we could hire people but this is America, shouldn’t it be enough to have a dream and show up every day without having to be tech masters?

– Tech Nick Lee

Dear Cousin IT,

Yup, this is America, where everything good is a myth but especially ye olde bootstraps. Did you know that “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” originated as a metaphor for impossible tasks? There is no pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. You need a guy for that. Especially when the straps are digital.

– Your support ticket, Rachel 

Dear Rachel,

Old men love to come up to me and try to bet me they know where I got my shoes (on my feet) and that I have a hole in my sock (how else did I get it in there?). Dudes, these jokes are older than you are, and maybe that’s an unhealthy obsession with feet. Do you have good advice for how to shut down these clowns?

– Not Laughing

Dear Deadpan,

Oh, the funny men! (Not to be confused with the men and other people who are actually funny.) Recycling jokes they heard once from a New Orleans street performer in 1991, thinking they are the only characters in a game designed to stroke their ego. You know what takes a funny man down a peg? Commenting on his hair loss, which (unlike a dog’s) doesn’t grow back. Keep some dog butt fluff in your pocket and pretend to pull it out from behind these men’s ears. Then see who’s laughing.

– Yuk yuk, Rachel