Thou shalts, standard reply and parental discretion
Dear Rachel,
Louisiana passed a law that all public schools have the 10 Commandments posted in school rooms. What the hell is going on? Are the people of Louisiana sucking up old pond water? Or did the leaders just miss history class? Your thoughts on this BS.
– New Orleans Free Thinker
Dear Costless Wonderer,
The best part of this law is that kindergarteners will now have a reference to adultery posted in every classroom. They gonna ask questions. Yet it’s illegal in Louisiana to teach about sex until the 7th grade (outside New Orleans, that is). This is going to get interesting.
– Who dat, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
I always hear people say how they wish we had real connection instead of just saying “How are you?” “Well, I just asked someone walking by my yard how they were, and now I know WAY more about this person’s family, politics and hospital stays than I ever cared to know. Do you think we need to stick to superficial greetings to avoid these fiascos?
– Fine Line
Dear Finer Things,
I’m right there with you. But not everyone in America understands the subtlety of asking questions we don’t want answers for. That’s why I stick with a simple “Hi there” when people see me, or maybe a “Howdy” with finger pistols if they’re wearing snakeskin tourist boots. But I generally do everything I can to remain unseen, unapproachable or frankly undesirable in any way so no one dares ask me how I’m doing.
– So fine, Rachel
Dear Rachel,
My mother raised me, and now I provide her tech support. All good. But can we please ban our parents from using apps unrelated to their retirement accounts? My mother was scrolling Insta, and next thing she’s asking me what “hawk tuah” means. This is a problem because I’m so uncool I didn’t know what #hawktuah meant, and now that I do, I definitely don’t want to explain it to her. What’s my most courteous way of bowing out of these questions, Rachel?
– Hawk Talk
Dear Birds & Bees,
You got to have The Talk with your mama! What a beautiful bonding moment. For the rest of us, I mean. For you, I’m sure it was light and fluffy hell. We should create an alternate 10 Commandments for our modern age. Enough with coveting and adultering; let’s say “Thou shalt not feel obligated to explain memes to thy parents,” and “Thou shalt learn to Google thine own questions before asking anyone outside thine own age bracket.”
– Spit on that thang, Rachel
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