A bombshell

There’s a new hot girl in town. But you don’t have to hang out at the bar, laundromat or yoga class to meet her. Instead, she’ll fall directly into your hands every week – right here in the Telegraph on p. 20.

Meet Rachel, the Telegraph’s new, semi-permanent advice dispenser.

So just who is this “Rachel,” you may ask? Let’s just say, she’s a real person; one of us. An amalgamation of all of Durango’s quirky, wonderful, stinky, fun-loving, kookiness rolled into one. In other words, we can’t tell ya. Would Dear Abby have ever gotten so far if everyone knew her name was Pauline Phillips? Hell no.

As for the choice of name, well, Rachel just seemed like a good, strong, authoritative voice. Someone with a snazzy sense of style who won’t stand for a lot of B.S. You know, like Rachel Ray, Rachel Greene, Rachel Maddow or the Rachel hizzbag who tried ot break up Jay Z and Beyonce – wait, never mind. She sucks. Most importantly, it seemed like a really good idea after a few beers.

OK, so technically, this means the Diver is on an indefinite hiatus. But after years of cajoling, bribing, threatening and otherwise groveling to find divers, the writing was on the kitchen wall. Or maybe it was just smeared ketchup. It was time to find a new way to dish out advice to life’s little messes.

We realize this will be hard on some readers who are averse to change, especially those who are still grappling with the South City Market remodel, roundabouts and the whole Purg/DMR/back-to-Purg thing. But, let’s face it – incoming! – the diver was never really a diver anyway.

But not to worry – we promise Rachel will dispense with quality solutions every week to your vexing conundrums, inner turmoil and prickly pet peeves. After all, she majored in psychology. Or was it sarcasm? Whatever – there’s no denying she is a better speller than 90 percent of us and has much better hair.

And if you’d like to put Rachel to the test, write her at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com.

She’ll be there for you.