Dive right in

As some may recall, Casa Bonita, the Mexican restaurant outside Denver known for its kitschy décor, cliff jumping and one-star food, recently filed for bankruptcy. That’s when “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone bought the restaurant, vowing to, among other things, improve the food. Parker and Stone grew up in Colorado and have always had a fascination with Casa Bonita, even featuring it in a 2003 “South Park” episode.

Now, with Casa Bonita set to reopen in May, the restaurant is hiring more than 500 positions. And our curious minds couldn’t help but wonder what the job posting for a cliff diver looks like. So here we go.

First, the position is not listed as “cliff diver.” Rather, under the “Entertainment” section there are two options: Entertainer (Dry) and Entertainer (Wet). We clicked wet.

To start, all “wet entertainers” must submit an audition video displaying basic dive moves: a front (half, twist, pike, flip); a back (half, twist, flip); and inward dive (tuck, pike, straight). Easy.

Then, they must have at least two years’ experience diving at a school, club or competitive level (OK, we’re already out). Gymnasts and extreme athletes will be considered (if “quaffing” at Snowdown counts, we’re back in).

Additionally, applicants need a “passion for safety and following diving rules,” a “never-break-character attitude” and “the ability to know your limits.” Also, they must be “comfortable with portraying staged romance and staged combat.” Damn, we never had a chance.

But wait, we’re just getting started. They also must have “the ability to laugh at the absurdities of life.” Ok...? Be able to change in and out of wet swimsuits quickly. Alright…? And, “must be comfortable with heights.” That seems like a given.

And that’s just getting the job. Once “landed,” duties include “creating a magical experience” with 1,500 guests a day, ages between 2 and 100 (who is the 100-year-old going to Casa Bonita?) and being in character for up to six consecutive hours.

Damn, that’s a lot of time in a soggy suit. But compensation, oddly enough, is pretty good, starting at about $52k a year, with benefits including health, dental and vision.

Plus, we imagine divers get all-you-can-eat dinner plates and sopapillas, though we doubt that’ll maintain their divers’ physiques.

Top Stories

A new home for Bredo
03/16/2023
A new home for Bredo
By Michelle P. Fulcher/Colorado Public Radio

Victim of its own success, ‘Frozen Dead Guy Fest’ moves to Estes Park

Read More
Back in time
03/16/2023
Back in time
By Jonathan Romeo

Effort afoot to save historic Denver and Rio Grande Western byway

Read More
Biden's broken promise
03/16/2023
Biden's broken promise
By Jonathan Thompson / Land Desk

Alaskan oil and gas drilling project – albeit scaled back – a go
 

Read More
Nothing to sneeze at
03/09/2023
Nothing to sneeze at
By Anna Marija Helt

Get going now on functional foods to stave off springtime sniffles

Read More
Read All in Top Stories

The Pole

Cracking up
03/16/2023

You're not crazy - there are more potholes than normal this year

Green up!
03/09/2023

If you’ve got opinions on sustainability in the City of Durango, circle next Wed., March 15, on your calendar

Brown Town
03/02/2023

The City of Durango recently launched its “Scoop the Poop” campaign in response to the increasing problem of dog owners leaving their dogs’ poop on trails

Now for the weather...
02/23/2023

In the heart of a storm, we all have some societal responsibilities.

Read All Stories in the Pole