Dive right in

As some may recall, Casa Bonita, the Mexican restaurant outside Denver known for its kitschy décor, cliff jumping and one-star food, recently filed for bankruptcy. That’s when “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone bought the restaurant, vowing to, among other things, improve the food. Parker and Stone grew up in Colorado and have always had a fascination with Casa Bonita, even featuring it in a 2003 “South Park” episode.

Now, with Casa Bonita set to reopen in May, the restaurant is hiring more than 500 positions. And our curious minds couldn’t help but wonder what the job posting for a cliff diver looks like. So here we go.

First, the position is not listed as “cliff diver.” Rather, under the “Entertainment” section there are two options: Entertainer (Dry) and Entertainer (Wet). We clicked wet.

To start, all “wet entertainers” must submit an audition video displaying basic dive moves: a front (half, twist, pike, flip); a back (half, twist, flip); and inward dive (tuck, pike, straight). Easy.

Then, they must have at least two years’ experience diving at a school, club or competitive level (OK, we’re already out). Gymnasts and extreme athletes will be considered (if “quaffing” at Snowdown counts, we’re back in).

Additionally, applicants need a “passion for safety and following diving rules,” a “never-break-character attitude” and “the ability to know your limits.” Also, they must be “comfortable with portraying staged romance and staged combat.” Damn, we never had a chance.

But wait, we’re just getting started. They also must have “the ability to laugh at the absurdities of life.” Ok...? Be able to change in and out of wet swimsuits quickly. Alright…? And, “must be comfortable with heights.” That seems like a given.

And that’s just getting the job. Once “landed,” duties include “creating a magical experience” with 1,500 guests a day, ages between 2 and 100 (who is the 100-year-old going to Casa Bonita?) and being in character for up to six consecutive hours.

Damn, that’s a lot of time in a soggy suit. But compensation, oddly enough, is pretty good, starting at about $52k a year, with benefits including health, dental and vision.

Plus, we imagine divers get all-you-can-eat dinner plates and sopapillas, though we doubt that’ll maintain their divers’ physiques.