Fasten all loose objects

There will be a new voice at the helm of Animas River Days this weekend. Durangoan Chad Hare will be taking the mic from longtime master of ceremonies John Brennan, who MC-ed the event since time immemorial, or at least 1983.

“I’ve heard I have some big shoes to fill,” said Hare. “I am just kind of jumping in head first, eyes close. That’s my M.O.”

(For the record, the Telegraph does not condone jumping into the river, or any body of water, head first. And always wear your PFD.)

Hare, 34 and a handyman by day, said he was encouraged to try out at the ARD MC competition earlier this year by friends Hope Tyler and Aaron Schenk.

“I thought there would be two or three people trying out and there were 10 or 11,” he said. “I thought my chances were pretty nil; I thought a few people were funnier than me.”

For the record, MC hopefuls were required to get up in front of a likely heckling crowd and narrate a rafting carnage reel. While Hare said he can’t really remember what he said, he won over fans and judges.

“It was probably my rugged good looks and complete lack of any knowledge of anything rafting,” he said. “I’ve been down the river a few times, but to row a raft, no way. A tube, on the other hand, would be fine.”

Despite his relative river newbiness, Hare is no stranger to getting up in front of an audience. “I enjoy MC-ing. I did the Follies last year and have done a lot of concerts,” he said, adding he’d like to someday land a job in the entertainment field.

And he has no doubt that when it comes to his new ARD duties, he will swim, not sink. “I’m so excited,” he said. “I’m going to be there as many hours as I can. I’m really looking forward to it.”

Animas River Days kicks off tonight, Thurs., May 30, with a party at 2nd Deli from 5-8 p.m. Jackson Kayaks will be in town for a slew of clinics Friday afternoon followed by two days of competition Saturday and Sunday. The ever-popular River Parade viewing party takes place Saturday starting at 4:30 p.m. at Santa Rita Park. For more info., go to: animasriverdays.com or visit the back page of this fine publication.