For-real follies

Well, another Snowdown has come and gone. And, as we all detox in the coming days, at least we’ll have the memories to look back on, like of those people dressed as medieval knights beating the hell out of each other.

And for some: a police record.

Oh yes, today we bring you the “Best of the Durango Police Blotter” from over the Snowdown weekend. But, we should note and emphasize, these oddities of human behavior are not necessarily because of Snowdown – no. Rather, they happened during the weekend of Snowdown. Just an important distinction.

And without further ado:

• A man was “acting delirious” at the Ranch. Mhm, sounds about right.

• A man was reportedly “yelling at no one” at City Market. Also on par.

• An intoxicated man was reported “locked in the fish hatchery.” Probably a first.

• A man was fighting with the bar staff at the Wild Horse Saloon. Probably not a first.

• A fox was reported lying in the middle of a trail in Horse Gulch. OK, that’s kind of cute.

• A man was cursing at workers at the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru. Maybe he was just hangry?

• A woman was passed out on a pool chair at a downtown hotel. The time was 9 a.m.

• A guy was reportedly passed out in the middle of College Drive and Main Ave. We’d rather have the pool chair.

• And two men were found climbing up the fire escape of the Main Mall. Maybe they were just trying to find the best view of the Light Parade?

Despite the unbecoming behaviors of a few, Snowdown was seen by event organizers as a major success. And to be sure, it was great to see the town alive again after the past couple years’ weirdness. So on to next year, with the theme “Shakespeare.” Get ready for codpieces, jerkins, kirtles and funny hats with feathers in them.

Smile, you son of a…!

In other related, and totally relevant, news: shark attacks are on the rise.

Yep, the University of Florida reports shark attacks on humans rose sharply in 2021, with the U.S. reporting more attacks than any other country (America!) with 47.

The reason? Scientists blame COVID. Fewer people visited beaches in 2020, resulting in fewer attacks. As the world started to reopen in 2021, more people visited tropical paradises where these apex predators lurk.

Luckily, we here in landlocked Southwest Colorado don’t have to worry about these bloodthirsty beasts. Though, my mother did once ask me if we have jellyfish here, to which I had trouble responding with a straight face. I did, however, ask the ticket guy at Lake Nighthorse, just to make sure. He, on the other hand, was not too amused, and answered straight-faced, “No.”