New world disorder

Sure, Alex Jones (he of InfoWars, Sandy Hook isn’t real, Democrats eating babies fame) had a pretty legit, totally soundproof excuse when he was arrested for drinking and driving in March 2020: it was a conspiracy!

It wasn’t so much he reeked of alcohol, had just gotten into a domestic dispute or failed parts of his roadside tests. No, no!

Instead, Jones reasoned the county he was caught drunk driving in was a part of some hush- hush “dragnet” scheme that unfairly arrested people for DUIs (otherwise known as the law?). And, of course, the breathalyzer itself was entirely suspect. How was it able, for instance, to trace alcohol levels of sake?

“I’m empowered by freedom,” Jones said at the time. “I have to take depressants like alcohol to suppress how empowered I am, because I’m into freedom. I’m a human being, man. I’m a pioneer, I’m a father. I like to fight. I like to eat enchiladas. I like to cruise around in a boat, like to fly around in helicopters … so that’s where I stand.”

While this is all amazing and a lot to take in, you, dear reader, have no such excuses for driving drunk over the Snowdown weekend. And here’s why (other than it’s illegal and kills people).

Durango Transit will be free Friday and Saturday in celebration of Snowdown, and that includes the Main Avenue Trolley and all loop routes. And, a special shuttle will run between the La Plata County Fairgrounds and the Durango Transit Center from 4-9 p.m. Friday during the Light Parade.

Also, our fair little town has a number of local taxi companies, as well as Uber and Lyft. Surely the $20-$30 ride is far better than a DUI, which typically costs around $10,000. Not to mention totally ruins your night.

So yes, enjoy your Snowdown, go wild (lord knows we need it), but be safe.

And don’t be like Alex Jones, ever.

Doobiedown

Speaking of impairing your mind, The Green House dispensary got pretty creative for this year’s Snowdown, announcing it is offering 1,000 “Doobies for a Penny” during the Light Parade.

Ken Choat, marketing director, said The Green House will hand out a thousand (empty) doobie tubes that will act as coupons you can redeem at the dispensary.

“We’re excited to see the response,” he said.