The long haul

Clocking in at 1.45 miles and 30 minutes of ducking and weaving through wall-to-wall people, shlepping from one end of DIA’s B Concourse to the other is no cake walk. But now, DIA travelers have someone to commiserate with. Apparently, Salt Lake City International Airport also has a B concourse with a death march from hell.

However, airport officials in the Beehive State have decided to embrace the grind instead of ignoring it, with witty signs like: “Let’s call it cross-training for ski season,” featuring a stick figure carrying a roller bag.

Travelers apparently weren’t amused, so the Salt Lake Tribune asked readers to come up with their own signs poking fun of the arduous journey.

Some leaned into the misery:

• “Don’t bother. The complaint box is already full.”

• “Try walking a mile in my shoes – and then bring them back to the TSA checkpoint.”

Others embraced the pain:

• “Making your knees hate your feet … one step at a time.”

• “Today is ‘leg day.’”

A few made nods to the Latter-day Saints (it is Utah, after all):

• “Pioneer children sang as they walked and walked and walked and walked…”

• “Please return your handcart at the end of the journey.”

Several took aim at the airport’s planners:

• “Wait. Was there supposed to be a train here?”

• “The guy who designed this never had to use it.”

A number got political:

• “Don’t worry – there’s a restroom at the end of this journey – unless you’re trans, then you’ll have to wait until you land in another state.”

• “If you had a drink in Utah, we make you walk it off.”

Fortunately, jet-setters will get relief by October, according to the Tribune, with a new tunnel that will trim the trek by 1,000 feet .

And maybe a more appropriate sign could read “Quit your bitching – at least you’re not in Texas.” That’s because Dallas-Fort Worth wins the country’s long haul prize with the journey between its terminals B and E, which is 2.16 miles.

On the bright side, there’s nothing like a brisk walk to ward off those pesky embolisms. Although we’re pretty sure there’s nothing funny about that, or those ugly black compression socks.