"Now is the time for peace!"

Recently, Donald Trump was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. The prize, established in 1901, is awarded to people who have “done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies, and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.” The Peace Prize has been awarded to figures like Malala Yousafzai, Martin Luther King Jr. and Barack Obama, as well as organizations like Doctors Without Borders and Amnesty International. 

In light of this recent and well-deserved nomination, let’s take a look at some of Trump’s accomplishments that have solidified him as a paragon of peace in our deeply troubled world:

• Since the 1970s, Donald Trump has been accused of rape, sexual assault and sexual harassment by at least 25 women.

• He methodically eroded the American public’s trust in fair journalism and mail-in voting by trafficking conspiracy theories, which significantly contributed to the Jan. 6 Capitol attack, wherein right-wing extremists tried to stage a coup.

• Trump has routinely profited off his presidency by accepting bribes, such as a $400m Boeing 747-8 luxury jetliner from the Qatari government and forcibly hosting government events at his own hotels and resorts.

• On many occasions, Trump has openly mocked disabled people and people of color and disparaged falled U.S. soldiers, referring to them as “suckers” and “losers.” (Of note, Trump dodged the military draft five times.)

• On 9/11, just hours after the fall of the World Trade Center, Trump called a local TV station to brag that he now owned the tallest building in Manhattan.

• He is the only U.S. president and only federal official to be impeached twice during a single term in office. 

• Trump is notorious for demanding personal fealty from federal employees over upholding the law or the Constitution. The punishment for dissension is usually immediate termination and replacement with a loyalist.

• In the first three months of his second term, Trump supported DOGE illegally laying off more than 121,000 federal workers across 30 agencies for a reported savings of $160 billion, which is estimated to cost taxpayers $135 billion (not including the projected expense of multiple lawsuits challenging DOGE).

• One of his first executive orders in his second term was a blatant attempt to challenge the 14th Amendment, which ensures birthright citizenship.

• Trump relentlessly attacked the LGBTQ+ community during both terms, most recently weakening legal protections for transgender, nonbinary and intersex people by redefining sex and gender, banning transgender people from serving in the military, restricting access to gender-affirming care, and removing resources on LGBTQ+ rights, health and history from all federal websites and programs.

• Trump has faced a total of 91 criminal charges – including conspiracy to defraud the United States, conspiracy against the rights of citizens and falsifying business records – 34 of which he was found guilty.

• Trump has filed for bankruptcy six times, and his businesses have been involved in more than 4,000 lawsuits.

• Trump repeatedly implemented (and rescinded) trade tariffs, ultimately causing inflation and global economic instability.

• To reach his goal of deporting 1 million immigrants a year, Trump revoked the legal status of millions of documented immigrants and sicced ICE on U.S. citizens, leading to the arrest and deportation of thousands without due process.

• He withdrew the United States from the Paris Agreement and has used his position of power to deny the existence of global warming, ultimately crippling research and policy aimed at slowing down global climate change.

• He threatened to use military force to annex Greenland.

• As part of the One Big Beautiful Bill, Trump intends to kick millions of the poorest Americans off Medicaid and SNAP benefits. 

• He ended the war in Ukraine on day one of his presidency. Oh, wait…no, he didn’t. Well, at least he brokered that ceasefire deal between Iran and Israel! 

As with all great world leaders, Donald Trump’s peacekeeping accomplishments are too numerous to list! We certainly can’t fit all of them into one 800-word article! There’s no one more deserving than – wait, what? Oh, OK, I’m just now getting word that Trump’s nomination has been withdrawn. I wonder if it had anything to do with bombing Iran? Ah, whatever, the Nobel Peace Prize is a sham anyway, and the voting process is totally rigged! Trump 2028!