Supplemental journey
Navigating the health & wellness aisle not for the faint of heart or short of stature

Standing near our discount store’s health and wellness department, I considered my simple mission: to pick up a bottle of kelp. I even planned to carry this single item to the checkout using my bare hand. When I arrived at the vitamin and supplement aisle, I swear half the shopping carts in the store had converged there, much of this traffic piloted by an army of retirees, like me, on a mission to protect its own borders. 

Oh, so many shelves crowded with rows of nearly identical bottles, sporting their brand’s uniform white, green, amber or clear plastic containers. Each one with its own inscrutable label so that a shopper must practically get down on his or her knees to figure out what it says. If only the supplement could just wave and shout, “Over here, I’m the one you’re looking for!” Each bottle also includes a tiny notice: “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, cure or prevent any disease.” I’m not sure who requires this warning, the FDA or the manufacturers’ lawyers. 

I worked my way into the maze of shoppers, standing on my tiptoes in order to see beyond the shoulders of my peers, scrutinizing each shelf to determine where in the alphabetical ranks my kelp happened to be waiting. Calcium, echinacea, ginger, iron, magnesium ... wait! Where’s kelp? I know the alphabet and kelp should have been ... oh well, it was not. So much for the amber brand – on to the green ones.

Stepping back, I noticed just how confusing the vitamin and supplement arena has become. Is a bottle of Nature’s Bounty any different than Nature’s Way? As if the word “nature” on a green bottle makes it more authentic than the phrase “naturally occurring” on a white one, as if anything other than human nature is at the root of growing this supplement market.

Medical offices schedule appointments, and despite the hefty price for professional care, they are trained to diagnose and treat perplexing health problems. It stands to reason many of us also end up spending more than our patience, which explains the OTC’s market designed to offer instant relief. 

You might ask yourself, am I suffering from an allergy or is it just a cold? It also feels like a digestive problem. So, which brand is most effective? Beano? ClearLax or Ex-Lax? What about Pepto-Bismol? That’s been around a long time, and they have a new cherry flavor. How about that ... and away you go. 

I never found my kelp, but the OTC approach taught me one thing: to speculate on what’s wrong with all of us just by paying attention to the kind of pills that are and are not available.

Every brand name offers an enormous supply of melatonin. I’d heard about it, promoted as a sleep aid, but it’s defined as “a hormone secreted by the pineal gland that inhibits melanin formation and is thought to be concerned with regulating the reproductive cycle.” That was a wake-up for me. 

American Heritage’s 5th edition provided a more expansive definition: “There is some experimental evidence that administration of melatonin may increase the amount of sleep in people with sleep disorders. However, the evidence is not convincing and the effect is not profound.” 

Is it dangerous? Obviously not like an outbreak of salmonella. Most people who have trouble falling asleep take 2-5 milligrams 30 minutes before bedtime. More than 10 mg is not recommended, though it’s available on the shelves in 12 mg doses. Some independent studies have found that unregulated levels of melatonin may be as much as 478% higher than the labeled content. 

I found this supplement is recommended in a dizzying number of doses, like 1-2 mg gummies for preschoolers, a 1-3 mg option for school age kids up to 12 years old, and the full 10-12 mg for all the grownups. 

But I also recall the historical Woodward Company marketing a soothing formula in 1851 for teething & colic that contained 3.6 percent alcohol, thankfully no longer available. Some grandparents may still remember a common alternative: If you rub a little whiskey on the infant’s gums everyone will sleep better.    

I dozed a little too much during my biology and chemistry classes, so I’m far from being an expert on any medical diagnosis, including our collective sleeping problems, except to say they could arise from insomnia, sleep apnea, narcolepsy, even restless leg syndrome, or something as simple as an uncomfortable mattress. 

Still, the bottles of melatonin keep marching off the shelves. When I consult with the people around me and ask about what keeps them awake at night, politics drives most of our discussions. If I were a doctor I’d prescribe smaller doses of the news.